A Walk of My life
by Kyoko Saiki
Summary: A poemfic... if you know what I mean... anyway, this is a rurouni some years before the speical year Meiji 11... he passes a quiet village accidentally... and he gains some insight in his life and the meaning behind battousai... ^.^ lots of typos! gomen!


This is NOT a songfic, but a "poemfic"  
  
I am really crazy. But after I did a little research for my literature homework, I came across this poem that really touched my heart. And decided, why not? It suits kenshin, didn't it? Here goes!  
  
DISCLAIMERS:  
  
All characters below belong to the great Nubihiro Watsuki. And this great poem is by the late Henry Wadsworth Longfellow who wrote this poem. All these copyright stuff belong to them, and I really have not right to claim as my own. BUT all these are used JUST for entertainment and fan stuff purposes.  
  
I'm done. Enjoy minna-san!  
  
--------  
  
"The tide rises, the tide falls,  
  
The twilight darkens, the curlew calls;  
  
Along the sea-sands damp and brown  
  
The traveller hastens toward the town,  
  
And the tide rises, the tide falls."  
  
-----  
  
Kenshin trotted wearily along the shore of a beach. He'd gotten long and thus followed a nearby river out of the forest. He has been walking along the shore since afternoon and the sun had taken toll on him.  
  
Is it just to find a nearby village?  
  
He asked himself wearily, his body aching, his stomach growled loudly for hunger. For the ten thousandth time, he felt for his pocket. Empty. He'd finished his supply of food this afternoon during lunch and he'd thought a village was nearby so he'd taken a would-be short cut. Baka! He scolded himself. Sessha should've known. He glanced over at the horizon. The sunrays glowing just a bit from the line of the ocean, casting its last rays until it totally sunk below. Casting out the rays, a pinkish and orange hue over the clouds above it. The ocean too, gave a mild reflection of the remaining sun, glowing red on the moving waters.  
  
Kenshin stopped, and watched the sun. He knew colour of the glow of the rays were just as bright as his hair. But what made his heart ache the most was when he had seen this beautiful sunset somewhere else. But not alone. He'd seen it with Tomoe, shared it with her. So many times during their months of marriage.  
  
"Just then, I saw a pair of dragonflies flying past our harvest…"  
  
He could here her voice breezing past in the wind. Closing his eyes, he saw himself, facing a sunset just as beautiful, watching Katsuka-san walk away. Then, turning to her beside him, he spoke.  
  
"It's easier that if we don't pretend being husband and wife." He looked into her bottomless black eyes. "Let's get married for real…" He watched her eyebrows arched just a bit, before resuming her emotionless feature.  
  
He spoke again.  
  
"Let's go, together."  
  
He opened his eyes. He couldn't bear her loss. But he understood well why she stood in the way… why…  
  
Looking down, he watched the small waves splashing softly and rhythmically on the shore. Standing there, wind blowing in his hair, he replayed his quiet days' with her. His first gift for her – a mirror. He felt the coldness of the night settling in as the sun went down. Shivering slightly, he returned hurrying to any nearby village.  
  
After walking for some time, the sun eventually went down, but he had found a small fishing village perched upon a cliff. Kenshin sighed in relief. There would be shelter for him tonight. He climbed up the slope leading to the village.  
  
Walking around, he knocked onto a small wooden house. An old lady opened the door cautiously, peering at him.  
  
"Sumimasen, Obaasan, but can you let me stay overnight here in your house?" He bowed.  
  
"…" The old lady watched him with small silted eyes, sizing him up. Her eyes landed on his sakabatou. Kenshin felt her gaze wander to his sakabatou, her face pinched slightly in discomfort.  
  
"Obaasan, I am a wanderer. This is only a reversed-edge sword. It hasn't tasted blood since the day I carried it. And I only wield it to protect the people around me." He bowed again, waiting for her agreement.  
  
Then, to his surprise, the old lady laughed.  
  
"It's not that I suspect you, my dear boy. I believe whatever you say. Your eyes tell a lot. Do come in."  
  
And she opened the door wide enough to allow him in. Kenshin bowed.  
  
"Arigatou, Obaasan."  
  
And he followed the old lady in.  
  
-----  
  
Darkness settles on roofs and walls,  
  
But the sea, the sea in the darkness calls;  
  
The little waves, with their soft, white hands,  
  
Efface the footprints in the sands,  
  
And the tide rises, the tide falls.  
  
----  
  
He sat on the cushion and waited as the old lady disappeared behind the kitchen. He heard her boiling water and giving orders to someone. He looked out of the window. The sun already set. Darkness cast upon the earth, only light source was from the many candles Obaasan had lit to fill the room. He fidgeted on the cushion, finger playing on the hem of his hakama, sakabatou by his side. Then, the shoji slid open.  
  
"Sumimasen, I have you waited long. If you don't mind, my family to join in for dinner?"  
  
The old lady walked in with her hands full of dishes.  
  
"Aa, I don't mind Obaasan."  
  
And behind her, followed by two other girls, both between the age of fourteen and sixteen. He got up and bowed.  
  
"Please to meet you."  
  
He spoke, then turned to Obaasan.  
  
"Please let me help you, Obaasan…" But she waved his hand away.  
  
"Iie, you're our guest. Make yourself comfortable." Kenshin backed away, his head bowed and sat down. He wasn't willing to look at the girls. He didn't want attention, yet. He didn't feel he want it anyway. He wasn't worthy. He felt the girls' curious and strange looks towards him as they served his dinner.  
  
"Itadaikamasu de gonzaru."  
  
He then started picking up his bowl and ate slowly.  
  
The meal was held in silence. He looked at the fish served. This used to be one of the dishes Tomoe cooked for him. Pain shot through him. He masked his pain, pushing it deep in his heart, not allowing the others to see.  
  
He put down his chopsticks. And realised the others already finished before him.  
  
"Oro? Was I eating too slowly?"  
  
"Iie. Rerun, you hadn't told us your name yet." The old lady suddenly asked the question.  
  
"Himura. Himura Kenshin"  
  
"Watashiwa Nanako Saiiji. This is Kenoko and Rasuko." She indicated to the two girls. Both bowed gracefully.  
  
"Pleased to meet you."  
  
The stiffness in the room could be felt. Kenshin broke it by helping the obaasan to wash the dishes. Though she denied, he insisted and in the end, he carried the whole lot to the kitchen.  
  
Cleaning his way through all of these as gratitude, he heard the soft splashing of waves by the sea. Remembering the evening just, he just let the soft sound calm himself of his buried pain, before continuing to clean the dishes.  
  
"Himura-san?"  
  
A tentative voice sounded behind him.  
  
"Hai?"  
  
He wiped his soapy hands and turned around to face Rasuko, the older girl standing by the door.  
  
She looked down and said in a small voice.  
  
"Do you need help?"  
  
"Iie, thank you for your help anyway, Rasuko-dono." He smiled his rurouni smile, masks up. He saw her open her mouth to speak, but closed it after some thought.  
  
"Alright. Don't tire yourself out, or else okaasan would be worried." She bowed. "Oyasumi nasai, Himura-san."  
  
"Oyasumi nasai, Rasuko-dono."  
  
He heard her slid the door shut and he turned back to the pile of dishes. Hurrying now to get to bed, he soon finished and headed to his room. But he saw Saiiji hurrying towards him.  
  
"Matte! Himura-san! Go take a bath first! I've prepared a bath for you. Go now!" She commanded him in a motherly fashion when she saw his mouth open in protest. Nodding his head and thanking her, he turned to the bathroom.  
  
He let the hot water soak his aching muscles and clean his dirty body, he changed back and headed to his room, relieved that the day his over.  
  
But something bothered him when he slid into the warm covers of the futon.  
  
"Your eyes tells a lot…"  
  
He finally wondered why Obaasan had said that. But his tired mind refused to ponder that any longer, and he slipped into a dreamless sleep, with the ocean small waves splashing on the shore drowning him.  
  
-------  
  
The morning breaks; the steeds in their stalls  
  
Stamp and neigh, as the hostler calls;  
  
The day returns, but nevermore  
  
Returns the traveller to the shore,  
  
And the tide rises, the tide falls.  
  
----  
  
Kenshin awoke at the break of dawn; the rest of the Saiiji family were not up yet. He rose and stretched. It felt so good to be sleeping once more on proper bedding, but he knew he couldn't stay. Hearing all the early risers outside already to work, he went to the well outside and splashed the cold water on himself, washing away the remaining sleep from his body. To repay the kind obaasan, he went to the kitchen to prepare them breakfast.  
  
Soon after, when the sun rose a few inches, the Saiiji family awoke.  
  
"Himura-san! I didn't know you…" Obaasan stood in shock at the doorway. "I thought…"  
  
"Ohayo, Saiiji-dono."  
  
"Oh… Ohayo, go…gomen for my rudeness Himura-san. You should really let me cook… you're our guest anyway…"  
  
"It's okay, Saiiji-dono." He smiled as he turned slightly. "Take this as a repayment for allowing me, nothing more than a stranger to sleep here for a night."  
  
"Iie, it's nothing. Oh, Himura-san, you're leaving today?"  
  
"Hai de gonzaru."  
  
"Please take this. I've written something for you. Do read it during your journey. I actually wanted to speak to you last night, but I didn't want to delay you…"  
  
She handed a carefully folded up letter.  
  
"Arigato gonzaimasu, Saiiji-dono." He slid the letter up his sleeve. "I would read it carefully."  
  
Obaasan smiled. "I knew you would. Come, let me help."  
  
They worked in silence until Obaasan spoke again.  
  
"Himura-san?"  
  
"Hai de gonzaru?"  
  
"You know, you are welcomed to stay here, my husband passed away… And I would like to find my daughter a…"  
  
Kenshin realised where this conversation was heading to and he quickly interrupted, ears turning red.  
  
"Sessha doesn't mean to be rude, but Sessha doesn't have any plans to get married and sessha thinks he is not worthy enough…"  
  
"Aa… sou desu ka. I will not probe further. Gomen nasai for my rudeness."  
  
"It's okay. The rice's ready. Let's go."  
  
"Himura-san! It's delicious! I didn't know you could cook!" Kenoko exclaimed when she tucked in.  
  
"Arigato gonsaimasu, Kenoko-dono." Kenshin smiled at her boisterous behaviour, which is a totally difference to her demure one last night.  
  
"Kenoko!"  
  
"Gomen, okaasan…"  
  
"Really, Himura-san, where did you learn all these?" Nasuko asked, trying to catch his eye. Feeling his ears going hot again, he remembered the conversation in the kitchen. Averting his eyes down to his bowl, he replied.  
  
"Well, you can get all these while you are travelling all over Japan…"  
  
"Wow!"  
  
"Kenoko!"  
  
"Gomen…"  
  
Everyone laughed. Kenshin softened. Everything it should be when the new era started. Less suffering, more laughter and peace for the citizens. Kenshin glanced at his sakabatou. Though still unwilling to forgive himself for carving his way for a new era using his katana, he was glad that the sakabatou was given to him to atone his killings and to upright his believes. Feeling that the day was finally going to be right again, he rose.  
  
"Gomen, minna-san. But I believe that I should get going now… Arigatou for everything." He bowed and tuned to leave. "Sayonara, minna-san."  
  
"Sayonara… Himura-san." Everyone waved goodbye to him. But obaasan didn't leave him without one last word.  
  
"Remember, your eyes tells, Himura-san. Read the letter, and remember it well… sayonara."  
  
He nodded, smiling one last time, before turning around and heading off again, not looking back.  
  
Kenshin went down the cliff to the shore again. The soft hands of the waves had cleansed the shore of his footprints from last evening. A cleaner and smoother shore was before him. Refreshed, he walked on his journey. Opening the letter after he left the village, he read the contents, and smiled.  
  
"Obaasan…"  
  
--  
  
Himura-san,  
  
I wanted to talk to you last night. But seeing you tired, I decided to write this down for you. Himura, your eyes tell, as I have told you before. Your eyes may deem peace to anyone who sees you. But beneath them lies hurt and self-guilt. Am I correct? Himura, stop this. Seeing your sword by your side, not leaving you for one moment, I knew you were a great swordsman once during the turbulence. Many sins you have committed may have taken toll on you once the Meiji Era started. You suffer in self-guilt for all these sins, and thus became a rurouni. What ever that may trouble you so and bury your heart, put that aside now. It's time to start again. There would be another time where someone else would help you through your pain. But you have to start now, for your own sake, Himura. Happiness makes the world go round, Himura, remember that. Though there seem to be peace now, but trouble still arises some where. Go seek your goal and answer. I will support you all the way. But first, don't sink yourself in guilt. Just like footprints on the shore. Concaves appear when you step on it, leaving marks on the smooth shore. But the sea again and again washes over and cleanses it, over and over again. Never ending, Himura. Sayonara, may you find your own answer someday.  
  
Nanto Saiiji  
  
--  
  
Kenshin smiled, tucked it deep his sleeve, and continued walking, on and on, till the day sets for another. Not knowing when he'd stop his wandering days, but, Kenshin mused. Until what obaasan said, till he finds his answer. Kenshin moved on, his sakabatou swinging by his side…  
  
~owari~  
  
--  
  
This is one of my present fics in my site. I'd decided to put it here for convenience. How is it? Do R and R!  
  
Saiki-san 


End file.
